Finding Joy during the holidays amidst grief

So many people are grieving this holiday season, including myself.  Whether it’s the loss of a family member, friend or pet, the grief comes in waves and can interfere with the Joy of the holiday season.

Whichever holiday you celebrate, Christmas, or Hannukah, or Kwanzaa or something else, the themes are similar.  Counting our blessings.  The blessing of Jesus’ birth, the dedication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem or the celebration of family and culture.  All these are blessings for which we are grateful.

What we need to be careful to avoid, is toxic positivity.  Those fake smiles and the pressure to show how happy we are, especially if we are not.  The real meaning of the holiday is gratitude for what we have, what we have experienced and the people we share this life with.  Your people do not want you to fake your happiness. 

If you are experiencing grief this holiday season, be sure to hold space for the grief.  Feel it all because if there was no love, there would be no grief.  The love does not go away, it continues, on and on. 

In lieu of flowers for my father in law, my mother in law requested that to honor him, we perform an act of kindness in his memory.  What a beautiful idea.  What would your loved one want for you this holiday season?  How can you honor their memory? 

I’m sure my father in law would want us to be playing a mean game of poker with a cocktail, talking about all the times he beat us at the game!

Maybe you talk about your loved one, maybe you spend some time in silence thinking of them.  Maybe you go for a mindful walk and remember all the love you shared. 

Whatever you do, don’t play the coulda-shoulda-woulda game.   Don’t torture yourself for something you cannot change.  Practice presence in this moment.   Take a few deep breaths when the grief overwhelms you.  Honor yourself and your loved one.  Put your hand on your heart.  Say “I Love You” out loud. 

Most of all, live the life you are so blessed to be living with the people and pets that are here with you now, in loving memory of those who are not here in body, but surely are here in spirit.

TOGETHERNESS

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I, and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way you always used to.

Put no difference into your tone,

Wear no air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word it always was;

Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was;

There is absolutely unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind, because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval,

Somewhere very near, just around the corner.

All is well.

All will be as it was before, only better, infinitely better.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa and

Happy New Year!

With Love and Joy,

Sheila