Closure

When I think of closure I think of a door closing,

When I bring up an emotion that comes with closure it feels freeing, as if finally,  I can take a deep breath.

When I talk to clients about the concept of closure they often talk of it as a need. 

A need only someone else can provide.

When we depend on someone else to provide closure for us, we again become powerless.

I want to offer to you that if you need closure related to the ending of a romantic partnership, you don’t need anyone else to feel free and able to move on with your life.

You think you need your ex to tell you why the relationship didn’t work for them. 

You think you need this because you believe that you will then understand and feel better.

Or you think you can convince them that you will change, or try harder, or maybe even blame them for some of the things that didn’t work in your relationship.

The need for closure becomes problematic when you look outside of yourself for it. 

You can get the closure you need without ever talking to the other person. 

What’s really happening is that you are in resistance. 

The first powerful step you can take is to accept that the relationship has ended.  Emotional closure means fully accepting and letting go of what once was, and creating new possibilities, relationships and rituals moving forward.

The next power step is to feel all of your emotions.  You want to get to a place of understanding and peace which only comes with acceptance. 

 Accept responsibility for yourself.  Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that you are experiencing.   Often, we want to only feel the “good” feelings and suppress the “bad” feelings.  Life is a balance of all these emotions and feeling them is what makes us human. 

Give yourself the freedom to grieve, but don’t dwell on it.  Focus on your strengths, talents, and gifts.  One of the first things we work on in coaching is self-concept.  Build your self-concept by focusing on the things that are amazing about YOU. 

No one is perfect and relationships consist of two imperfect humans.  Forgive yourself and embrace your whole self, not only the parts that other people are attracted to. 

Deepa Chopra said, “In the process of letting go, you will lose many things, but you will find yourself.”

Closure involves acknowledging yourself and others for the positives and forgiving the negative. 

Accept any responsibility that is yours.

Stop blaming yourself by practicing self-compassion and forgiveness.

Let go of self-pity and start taking care of yourself.

Your thoughts and feelings about yourself are the single most important thing you need to obtain closure and feel free.

Allowing yourself the gift of closure allows you to end your suffering.

Closure is a myth.

The way people leave you,

The way they exit your life,

The way they leave their relationship or connection with you,

Is all the closure you need.

Find clarity in actions, not words.

Feeling stuck in the need for closure?  Join my coaching program where we dive deep into this and so many other things to help you live with calm, confidence and control.

Love,

Sheila

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