Time in Relationships
You can be in a relationship for two years and feel nothing; you can be in a relationship for 2 months and feel everything. Time is not a measure of quality, of infatuation or of love.
When you know and trust yourself, you don’t question your feelings. You explore them, you make friends with them, you trust them.
Feelings of discontent or emptiness are not ignored and discarded simply because, “We’ve been together so long, I don’t want to throw it away.”
Couples often stay together with the thought they will throw away the last 10, 20, 30, or 40 years they’ve been together. That is not a reason to stay in a relationship that you don’t love.
That time together is never thrown away. It will always exist. It exists in the past, where all of our experiences exist. In the past and as a memory. It doesn’t get erased.
Where we live is in the present. If you are only in your relationship because of time, or because it will be hard to uncouple, it’s time to do some self exploration.
If you love your partner and want to be in your relationship, there are so many ways to rekindle the emotions that brought you together. Many of these things can be done on your own and will bring new life to your relationship. Many things can be done as couples to rekindle the relationship.
You’re just not sure where to start or who to talk to. You may be reading books or talking to friends and family. Maybe you’re watching tiktok or IG videos for inspiration.
Meanwhile, you’re falling more and more out of love and into ambivalence about your relationship. Do I stay or go? You’re making lists and looking for all the answers outside of yourself.
Your anxiety is building and you’re looking for evidence to point you in the right direction.
I offer to you that you know what to do. What’s missing is trusting yourself. Knowing that all the answers are inside of you.
Turn inward, be quiet, do some self exploration. Turn toward your partner, rather than away. Have deeper conversations with vulnerability.
None of this is easy, but it’s all simple.
Use the presence of the moment, where you are now. In your mind, your body, your relationship. Let go of the past, forgive yourself and your partner. Have fun alone and together.
Do the work now, so that in another 10 years you are living the life you want with intention and love for yourself and those around you.
Use the power of your mind to think loving thoughts about yourself and your partner. Link your thoughts to your emotional state.
Then believe. Believe in yourself, your relationship, your life.
Time is only relevant in the present moment. All things that came before are memories. All things yet to come are imaginary. Learn how to live and love in the present moment.
This is what we do in Coaching. Are you ready to believe in yourself?
With Love and Joy,
Sheila