Do People Change?
Yesterday I posted this quote on my social media.
“When you continue to
get irritated by
someone who refuses
to change, you also
refuse to change.”
To clarify my meaning, using a mindfulness perspective, being in touch with your feeling of irritation because of something you can’t change (another human), and continuing to expect them to change, means that you also are refusing to change. You are refusing to change your perspective, or refusing to leave the relationship.
Remember that all stress comes from grasping, or wanting something other than what is real. Whether we call it irritation, stress, frustration, anger, or a myriad of other adjectives, the reality is that we allow circumstances, those things outside of our control, to control our mood, or feelings, or our state.
Someone responded to my post, stating that “Noone needs to change, you are who you are.”
WHAT???? I have been giving this statement some serious thought.
I do believe that noone NEEDS to change. I also know that change equals growth. When we know better, we do better.
A client said to me recently, “This is how I am. This is how I have always been.”
It saddens me to hear this, it is a trama based response when someone believes that they cannot feel better and have more joy in their lives. The undertone is feeling undeserving of more.
In an abusive relationship you might hear one partner say, “If you loved me unconditionally, you would accept all of me, even the parts you want me to change.”
Unconditional Love can be present AND you can still decide not to subject yourself to someone’s abuse, whether it be emotional, physical or financial.
You can still choose to change YOUR story, your behavior and bring more joy into your world.
Sometimes you have to risk the relationship in order to facilitate change.
My life’s work centers around change, managing the change that happens continually around us and making intentional change in how we interact in the world.
I have full belief that people change. Trauma changes people, Kindness changes people.
Intentionally desiring change in how we interact with the world is called personal growth.
I have done it and I have witnessed dozens of people do it.
If you find yourself irritated by someone close to you refusing to change, I would love to support you in your own growth.
Let’s bring more JOY to your life.
With Love and Joy,
Sheila
PS: If you are ready to take a deeper dive into living mindfully, join my 1:1 Coaching Program where I teach my 3 step process, Presence-Power-Belief, to help you live the life you desire with calm confidence.